Nu eram decat doi copii…

Nu eram decat doi copii cand ne-am intalnit prima oara. Doi copii putin cam tristi, cu visele recent spulberate, cu ranile din trecut inca deschise. Ma agatasem de ceva ce incercam sa para real, incercam sa vad doar partea frumoasa din fiecare intamplare, din fiecare zi, incercam sa imi creez propriul vis, chiar daca poate nu mai credeam intr-o minune… Imi pastram in fiecare zi cate un mic moment special, o mica amintire la care sa ma gandesc cu drag peste ani.

Si dintr-o data, ai aparut tu si ai inceput sa crezi in mine, chiar si in momentele in care nici eu nu mai credeam sau poate nu ar fi crezut nimeni in mine. Ai aparut si m-ai facut iar sa cred in basme, in povesti cu printi si printese care traiesc fericiti pana la adanci batraneti. Am inceput sa imi fac planuri, planuri de viitor, nu doar sa astept sa vad ce imi rezerva ziua de maine, ci sa imi creez eu conditiile pentru o zi de maine mai frumoasa, mai speciala decat cea de ieri.

Oare stii cat de mult m-am schimbat de atunci? Poate ca da, poate ca nu. Poate ca unele rani au ramas inca nevindecate, dar au aparut atatea momente frumoase care usor-usor m-au facut sa uit zilele din urma.

Au fost atatea zile de atunci, atatia ani, dar nu am uitat niciodata prima clipa in care te-am vazut, prima impresie, primul moment in care te-am vazut altfel decat eram obisnuita sa ii privesc pe alti baieti, primul moment in care am avut incredere in tine, primul moment in care inca incercam sa ma/ sa te pacalesc, primul sarut, prima noapte impreuna, prima data cand i-am vazut pe ai tai, prima cearta, prima gafa facuta de mine, prima minciuna, prima mancare facuta impreuna…

Da, poate sunt unele lucruri pe care nu le-am mai putut face dupa ce te-am cunoscut pe tine, lucruri frumoase, dar pe care nu le regret, pe care le-am lasat cu drag in urma pentru o viata frumoasa cu tine, o viata cu certuri, cu clipe frumoase, cu de toate.

Stii… ne indreptam cu pasi mici, dar siguri spre o familie frumoasa, o viata de familie tare frumoasa.

Te-ai gandit ca am imbatranit? Da, chiar am imbatranit. Eu observ asta zi de zi. Dar nu imi pare rau. Pentru ca imbatranim impreuna. Si chiar daca eram doar doi copii, acum visez la clipa in care vom alerga impreuna dupa proprii nostri copii, clipa in care vor face primul pas, vor spune primul cuvant, vor merge pentru prima data la gradinita, la scoala, se vor indragosti pentru prima data… Si atunci… atunci vom putea depana impreuna amintiri despre momentul in care ne-am intalnit noi prima data. Va fi frumos, stii?

 

Yes, i need a cigarette!

You learned me not to cry. You see? I’m not crying! Even if I’d do anything to can do it. But no. There’s another way to calm myself. I need a cigarette. Maybe it’s one of the few moments when I really want it.

Strange feeling. Maybe you know that kind of moments. It’s the moment when you feel like you can lose it all, all you have and all you can ever have. For what? For no matter what. You feel like you can’t talk, you can’t cry, you can’t move. You can’t even think. You are a dead alive.

And now…you wish maybe just one thing. You wish that you ‘d have a nightmare. And…after some time you can wake up. You can wake up and fix up all the things you could’t by now. And you can learn to never make mistakes. But now… you don’t know what you can do. It’s so strange. And, God, it’s so fucking painful. It’s a horrible feeling.

Maybe…or..for sure you’re never forget this day. You can’t forget it, no matter what happens next.

Da, poti !

E seara..e parca aceeasi atmosfera..Dar acum..te simti altfel. Esti diferita acum. Acum ceva timp ai hotarat ceva, ceva important pentru tine. Ai hotarat sa te schimbi. Sa fii alta persoana. Sa renunti la ceva ce era important pentru tine, ceva ce te ajuta sa te relaxezi, sa reflectezi asupra problemelor cu mult mai mult calm, dar..ceva ce incet incet te distrugea. Era drogul ce de atatea ori te ajuta sa tii capul sus. Dar nu. Poti si fara. Stii cat de puternica poti fi oricum. Stii ca ai pe cineva care merita orice schimbare. Acum trebuie sa te concentrezi la multe altele. Ai un viitor in fata. Ai filmul vietii tale al carui regizor esti chiar tu. Si da, rolul principal il ai tot tu. Asa ca esti singura care poate schimba filmul in bine sau rau. 

E iarna. Dar simti ca iarna asta poti face orice. Stii ca poti. Poti schimba frigul de afara in aburi de iubire, cu care sa dezgheti orice-n calea ta, sa iti faci drum spre visul tau, sa schimbi totul in favoarea ta, asa cum ti-ai dorit intotdeauna.

Thanks!

Thanks for waking me up. Yes, you, little Lucky. At 4 a.m. , it wasn’t the perfect way to wake up someone. And now my sweet hamster, because of you I can’t go to sleep, even if I’d like to do this. ‘Cause I can never know if you will like to escape again so..I have to take care.

Well…but..now I realise that I’ve missed a lot of nights like this..and..to wake up in the middle of the night and after that to waste your time with no reason is really nice. It’s relaxing to have time, time for you, to can think at no matter what, maybe to put order in your mind, or, I don’t know, just to stay, to know that you have nothing else to do. And, moreover, I think that it’s something else to stay in the middle of the night than to stay in the middle of the day. ‘Cause, let’s think serious. You will always find something to do, and, maybe in a whole day you can’t find at least 10 minutes to relax and get rid of stress. While, at night it’s different. You don’t have to cook, to work, to clean or something else. And now, with noone else in the room, just me, with my thoughts, it’s interesting. I can just relax with some good music, or why not, whithout music, I can think at all the things that I want. And, I have to admit that I really needed a break, ‘cause I think this is the perfect word for this night. Break. Break from everything. And now I feel better. I think I have more energy, more power to start again to face the life.

I think we all need some breaks like mine today. ‘Cause, really, we have to admit that sometimes it’s all we need. To have a little time to put your thoughts in order, time for us, just for us, for nothing else, no matter what.

Savior bell

Yes, it’s that lovely sound, that beautiful song that saves your day or maybe your life. It’s wonderful when, in that oppressive silence you can hear something. Yes. The phone is ringing. And, surprise. You can hear some voices so dear to you. The friends. It’s like they knew how you feel and they called you to rescue from the problems and, also, to remind you something very important. Yes, they wanted to remind you that you can tell them anything because they will always be there for you, no matter what kind of problems do you have.

You’re smilling, right? Remember! Friends will never let you fall. They will be always there to take care of you, to assure that you are fine, and, if you’re not, they will make you to be.

Dacă…

” Dacă aş şti că astăzi este ultima dată când te văd adormind, te-aş strânge tare în braţele mele şi L-aş ruga pe Dumnezeu să îţi păzească sufletul. Dacă aș ști că asta ar fi ultima oară când te voi vedea ieșind pe ușă, ți-aș da o îmbrățișare, un sărut și te-aș chema înapoi să-ți dau mai multe. Dacă aș ști că asta ar fi ultima oară când voi auzi vocea ta, aș înregistra fiecare dintre cuvintele tale pentru a le putea asculta o dată și încă o dată până la infinit. Dacă aş şti că acestea sunt ultimele minute în care te văd, ţi-aş spune “Te iubesc”şi aş ignora, ruşinată, că tu o ştii deja. ” 

 

 

-Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Azi e ziua mea, rad cu pofta si se ia <3 !

[Timpul trece, ma lasa rece / Pe dinauntru am ramas la feeel]

Finally, that’s your birthday, right? Is so strange this feeling, maybe unknown for you…am I right? Well…I think that yes.. Now the words „birthday” or „happiness” have another meaning. You never thought that this could be real, that you can have all that you’ve dreamed of. But honey, don’t forget. That’s not a dream anymore. That’s the reality now. ….But..that’s another thing that you have to remember. You have to fight to keep this dream turned into reality. ‘Cause honey, you have just one chance to do something, and …time never goes back!

 

 

You are the reason that I smile !

And…finally..now you know something.. you know how beautiful it’s to be happy, to smile without certain reason, just thinking of him. And you know what’s the most beautiful thing? Now you know how it is to feel loved. Yes, you’ve found the right word. You give love. You receive love. That’s amazing. The most beautiful feeling of the world.

And..you have noticed something? He’s the only person who really changed you. You’ve noticed this? You’re different now. Now you have a reason to go on, to leave all the bad things behind, to start a new life.

Well..you are so lucky, right? Now you have all, yes, you have all that you need!

♥

Ma gandesc la tine, la mine, la noi doi si fara sa vreau zambesc ♥  !

Iti multumesc ♥ !