You learned me not to cry. You see? I’m not crying! Even if I’d do anything to can do it. But no. There’s another way to calm myself. I need a cigarette. Maybe it’s one of the few moments when I really want it.
Strange feeling. Maybe you know that kind of moments. It’s the moment when you feel like you can lose it all, all you have and all you can ever have. For what? For no matter what. You feel like you can’t talk, you can’t cry, you can’t move. You can’t even think. You are a dead alive.
And now…you wish maybe just one thing. You wish that you ‘d have a nightmare. And…after some time you can wake up. You can wake up and fix up all the things you could’t by now. And you can learn to never make mistakes. But now… you don’t know what you can do. It’s so strange. And, God, it’s so fucking painful. It’s a horrible feeling.
Maybe…or..for sure you’re never forget this day. You can’t forget it, no matter what happens next.